Devoured by Flame

I think that now is a good time as ever to talk about what being a priest or priestess of a Deity actually looks like and why I consider myself one.

First of all, the word “priest” carries a lot of weight which is a carryover from the Catholic image of a priest who contacts the Divine on your behalf and forgives you for your sins. They do mass and are the intermediary between the Divine and humans and are considered the only vessel between which God and humans can contact each other. This places a weight of expectation on their head that in order to perform, they must feel obligated to be at their “highest good” at all times. That weight manifests ultimately by giving way to temptation and falls into contempt and disorder which has spawned terrible uses of power dynamics throughout the Catholic Church. 

The typical result of a higher power using humanity to do their bidding often ends in misaligned power structures that crumble and fall unless there are thin border walls that keep it at bay. It is a hardship from the very beginning for Catholics to maintain that kind of order and sense of perfection within its priesthood and it is a thinly veiled attempt at power and control within the masses.

Therefore, the title of “priest” is incorrectly used in pagan spaces and often used as a ploy in order to gain more power and authority over others. Wiccans use “priest” frivolously and call everyone who is initiated a “priest” while polytheists and other structures within paganism tend to not know what to do with it in general. If it is used, it is often used incorrectly and an obvious attempt at gaining some sort of control over a specific group of people and claiming some sort of power or knowledge that other people haven’t.

It claims some sort of dogma or power and manipulation to people who don’t know otherwise and that is fast to go downhill and often be dismissed by people.

Which is why, when bringing up the concept of “priestess” I tend to get a little nervous. First of all, it’s not that I’m trying to make it seem like I know more than others. It’s a fact. I have results and confidence that back up my claim and I have witnessed firsthand the kind of things I am capable of because I have been oathed into being Loki’s priestess. It is not something I do by emphasizing the title, either. It happens without me realizing it. Not because I, myself, desire the outcome but rather, because He does and He manipulates and strategized and 97% of the time, I really don’t know what’s going on. The 3% is when I think I do and then shortly after, it is debunked and shown to be wrong and actually is something else.

The difference between my work and those who claim this title otherwise is that I’m not trying to be the sole intermediary between Loki and His people. The work I do requires multitudes and it requires others to assist. Loki Himself cannot work alone and requires other Deities to assist Him, and He acknowledges that and as do I.

I often don’t have plans or guidance for what I do. My instructions are often simple (albeit complex in how they are executed): if I think I know what’s happening, I don’t. My only task is to get out of the way and be unbiased. I have to stand aside from others and pull myself away from people and not allow Them to dissuade me. That is difficult in today’s society where most people are worried about what others are doing and what others say. Unfortunately, the Gods’ work demands that sort of structure. If I weren’t to get out of the way, and allow my own bias to guide my actions, I would likely end up similarly to the Catholic priests and others who claim that title – controlling the narrative of the Divine who are perfectly capable of speaking for Themselves.

That is the hard work that takes years to perfect and consistent self reflection and growth. It’s not that, upon the end of my initiation, that I have done all I need to do to accomplish my tasks of being a priestess – that just means the work becomes a different kind of difficult. I have to somehow manage looking at the world from changed eyes and viewpoint and manage to be consistently capable of listening for the Gods and discerning. 

That skill is constantly being remolded and readjusted according to whatever the day’s struggles are – the base level, however, will always be that I can listen if I need and want to and make the decisions that I need to independent to whatever is going on around me. Regardless of when the world is in complete disarray and the cats are let out of the bag – when the world is reset and people cling to the false ideas of Divinity that have claimed people’s lives and continuously created people’s suffering politically, socially, economically – my job is to set those ideas aside and do the work no matter how difficult it is to witness others who wrongly create the false narratives and false equivalents to the Divine. 

Arguably, the reason why this job is so important is because I am here make it so that, while this world is in chaos and turmoil and while the Divine has made Their presence known in a multitude of ways such that we have polytheism again, I can assist in shedding aside the biases and self doubt that often accompany a society that is hellbent in making sure that people don’t think for themselves. And if they do, punishing them.

I don’t speak to just anyone. Arguably, my choice in who to speak to is also not mine to make. I am hands-off essentially, and the reason is because not everyone is going to benefit from my assistance. Not everyone is going to benefit from Loki, Himself, as He is not everyone’s cup of tea – and neither am I. His words might be harsh and if you’re not ready for it, there is a reason why you may not be able to hear Him in the first place or find it difficult to. 

My job as His Priestess and wife is that I am to make sure that others who also witness what He has done in their lives stay capable of dealing with the turmoil He brings and the turmoil this world has to offer as a result of not being with the rest. I am to assist by making the words they do hear from Him matter for something. I am not hear to discern for them or make them rely on my ability themselves to hear, but guide and console when they do hear Him and often don’t know why or why it has to be so difficult.

I have been through my own trials – abuse, poverty, trauma – and all of them have made it so that when I do sit and think of what I need to make sure that others have the tools to make it through the other side and grow closer to the Divine as a result, I am there for them without struggle and contempt or jealousy. I am there for them when my Deity needs me to be and steps away when He does not. 

That is the service I provide and the service I am deemed fit to do because He has molded me into the person I am today to deal with the kind of workload He has. Not alone, mind you, but with others who are also helping me pick up the pieces of this world after this phase of Ragnarok in order to start a new one – such as Loki has and such as He and His family will do. 

That makes my task difficult to describe – I do not have certain roles to play in rituals and when I do, I, myself, am not there to witness it as I am typically gone from myself and allowing Loki to come through. I often do not remember the things He has me do because I am taught to think nothing of them. If I were to get in the way and do things independently as myself, I would likely be remembering them and making choices and distinctions that aren’t really my place to say when it comes to serving Loki’s people. 

I do not do specific tasks that are preset and if I do do them, I don’t know what’s going to come at the other side unless there’s a reason for me to know the consequence. And that is few and far between. 

I don’t hold services or claim to be anything other than human and mortal. I am not perfect and I wear multiple hats throughout the day – often unbenknownst to me. 

I do not need to make claims of “priestess” because my work shows for itself what it needs to, to the people who need to see it. I don’t make money from what I do. If I did, I would likely use it for whatever thing Loki needs from me next if He were to need me to purchase it. My experience has given me the tools I need to combine my personal knowledge with His and to meet His people when they are able to meet me, as well.

That is about all I do. I wish I could give more detail but even that I am not able nor willing to share. They aren’t mine to show and they aren’t mine to discuss. There’s a reason why it is a sacred mystery and not something frivolous or bought. Even if I did share, the context for it would be lost and the meaning would not be known unless you were the person involved. 

The mystery lives on in the work I do, and the people who come to me because of who I am and Who I serve. And that is too sacred to put up on the internet.

However, it felt important to talk about this. As for why it is, I’ll not know until it happens.