Devoured by Flame

14 July: What does Loki’s sexuality mean to you personally?

Oh boy! My favorite topic. Loki and sex.

I’m going to warn you in advance that if you don’t feel comfortable talking about sexy times with Loki and this is one of those trigger topics for you that get you up in arms about Loki and godspouses and consorts or whatever – you probably want to flee this blog now because I’m about to get really blunt.

On a more shallow level, Loki’s sexuality helped me get over my feelings about my queerness and pansexuality. It opened up a part of me that felt somewhat blocked and concerned about my lack of care regarding genitalia and whether that means I will be sexually attracted to someone or not. Because… I don’t think it does matter because I am ace. Or, at least, I’m on the ace spectrum.

So, why is it that I like to talk about Loki and sex if I am ace? Good question.

I am saying I am ace in a very loose way, mostly because I am not quite sure if my disregard for sex has to do with trauma or how I actually feel and it doesn’t matter because ace is how I feel now and it’s not the only way I will feel forever and ever. The more I try to rally against my discomfort, the worse it gets. I’m not saying this is how all ace people are because they know their own truth better than I do, this is how I am and how I know myself to be.

Consent

Loki is nothing if not an enormous promoter of enthusiastic, clear, concise consent. Some of you might be scratching your heads right now – he’s a trickster, why would consent matter?

Because being a trickster he is notorious for pushing boundaries. There is something I realized about myself is that I don’t usually know that I need to say “no” to something until my buttons have been pushed beyond all repair. Loki has pushed and prodded and dedicated a lot of our work together getting me to realize where I stand on certain aspects of my being, comfort level, and inherent lack of communication in regards to my boundaries.

It took a lot of time to get to this place, but a lot of the work that we are now doing looks like the conversation that happens before a BDSM scene. We talk about comfort level, what’s okay and what’s not okay, where I am emotionally versus where He is emotionally, and what kind of outcome we would like to work out.

Sometimes, however, things occasionally come up that I recognize I consented to that I then don’t consent to and I hesitate in communicating that until it’s too late. For example, possessory work. I’ll get into that some other day because I have a lot I’ve discovered on the subject, but there’s levels of ability and openness that comes from such an intimate experience of sharing a body with a Divine being. And typically, I don’t know until I’ve already made the mistake of not sharing my comfort or not listening for Him to share His. Because believe it or not, Gods would like expectations to be set prior to any working to that regard just like one would like expectations to be set before, well, anything, so there leaves little room for disappointment or bitterness or fear.

There’s certain allowances given the power dynamic. If I mishear or misjudge a situation, sometimes boundaries get crossed and things get shut down and I have to not take it personally. Same thing goes with Him, however, considering He is a disembodied Being wielding a great amount of power and energy and it can be incredibly exhausting.

However, it is a growing and learning experience that I can then take into the real world and be more confident in expressing the things I am and am not comfortable with both sexually and otherwise. I’m not completely there yet but I hope it will be leaps and bounds better than where I was before this Work started.

Passion

Loki is nothing if not passionate. A lot of people stand befuddled the moment He starts to show His flirtatious/sexual side as well as His more emotional and intimate side. A lot of society seems to take “passionate sexual experiences” to be mildly pornographic. I realized this was a huge turn off for me after the umpteenth conversation with other Godspouses on the internet. I feel like there’s a sort of emotional removal from pornographic ideology – and by “pornographic” I mean sex as a visual representation for the man and woman to perform rather than an intimate exchange of emotions and energy.

The difference being that, in my experience, Loki rarely does things without having a whole list of reasons as to why He is doing them. Rarely, if ever, is it just a shrug of the shoulders and Him say “why not?” even if it seems like that initially. Sure, it can happen instantaneously, without any prompting on either end, but it just happens because… we’re horny. That’s fine. But the end result never is just “I came and now I feel better” but rather “I came and something about my energy has shifted in a way I cannot explain in words yet.” It’s not just a release of endorphins and hormones and whatever other benefits an orgasm brings, but it is also a release of things that are not serving me in the present moment. The brief amount of time in which I have an orgasm shifts the nature of me and it affects me regardless of how small it is. It’s magic, in a way. It’s also the most traditional form of tantric practices.

People often belittle and degrade sexuality with Divinity because they mistake the sexuality for the modern definition of what it is. I’m not saying it can’t have modern context because that’s where we exist today, but it can certainly start that way and lead into more monumental developments in relationship if the human is so able and capable of understanding it to be.

And then we don’t talk about this enough because we think Deities are Big Scary Sky Daddies who will smack us down if we so much as do something they don’t like even if we don’t know that they don’t like it. I mean, maybe don’t try to have sex with any Deity not known for sex because… no. But Loki? I mean… come on lol. He is the crosser of boundaries. If my practice and worship of loving and knowing Loki makes people comfortable, I’m probably not doing it right. And passion makes people very uncomfortable. I could probably write another blog post on that. One day.

Intentional

As I said above, I don’t do sex with Loki to have sex with Loki. If I am open and willing to listen to what kind of conditions we are setting for this kind of thing, I tend to realize after the fact that we had sex in a certain way for a certain purpose that I wasn’t aware of until days or weeks after and sometimes years after.

Not that I remember every single time we have sex. Because – I mean. It’s a lot and we’ve been together long enough that I’m not documenting every single intimate moment we have. But I do remember the most poignant moments we share that stole the ground from underneath me and shook my entire world.

Even my first time having sex with Loki, he broke my world. I had to come to terms with the feelings that I was cheating on my boyfriend at the time (fiancé now). I only had the context of monogamous relationships, and this thought that I can only have feelings for one person who is supposed to provide for me the entire world. Once I simmered down – years later – I realized that… Loki provides for me things my human partner cannot and could not. There’s certain allowances of experiences considering Loki isn’t a physical being (most of the time lol) and also… He is a God. I mean. Nothing can compare.

Human sex can never and will never be God sex. Imposing those conditions on it will only make matters devolve into just… a really hard time. I’ve watched several relationships with Loki blow up because of this. They cannot reconcile the human aspect of sex with the Divine aspect of sex and… to me, that’s just… that goes to show why it’s so important to talk about. If we don’t talk about it, it’s not going to stop happening and people are still going to have these breakdowns in their lives and cause even more distance between human and their Divine partner as well as their human partners.

Anyway, I’ll jump off my soap box and maybe just make a post purely about it now that I’ve finally dealt with a lot of my feelings.